The Book That Changed My Life

This year I’d like to share some things that have helped me to gain insight into life. Here was the situation: I had graduated from college and I couldn’t find a job to save my life. I was unemployed for a year and a half and the only good thing was that I could continue to stay at home and live with my parents. I loved being at home and my parents were great but I still felt like a big loser because here I am 25 years old with a college degree and I have to live at home with my parents to survive. I should’ve reframed my thinking to gratitude and just been grateful that I had parents who were willing to support me and let me live rent free. That kind of thinking comes with age and experience and back then I had none. I would go out for any job I could find, temp services and whatever else was out there. I went on interview after interview and never got the job. I was pretty down and felt really as if I wasn’t good enough for anything. Then I was in Barnes and Noble one day and I spotted the book Attitude is Everything by Keith Harrell and I bought it with what little money I had from my Mom (I know, I know but give me a break) anyway the book changed how I saw everything. I get nothing (not paid to plug the book) except satisfaction for telling you about this book so you know I honestly loved it.

I read the book cover to cover really fast and that’s when I discovered it all started with me and my own attitude. I conveyed what I felt even though I was putting on the happy interview face but I never really felt good about myself at that point. I was conveying my loser mentality through my loser attitude. So I started to practice what the book told me about attitude. How I felt about myself was important and I was worthy to get a job. So I just started to tell myself things such as: Today is going to be a great day, things are turning around for me and I am blessed to be able to find jobs to try for.

Finally I found my dream job and I applied for it and got an interview. I was so nervous but I kept thinking in my mind to project a positive attitude and believe that this job is already mine. I kept saying that over and over, this job belongs to me they just have to give it to me. I went into that interview confident with a winning attitude and do you know what happened? I got the job and it was my dream job. It was the job that started me on my career that I have today. I don’t think that if I hadn’t read that book when I did and implemented some of the mindset changes that I would not have gotten that job. Who knows where I would be today if I hadn’t. This book holds a special place in my heart as changing my life for the better and I still have this book and reread it whenever I need an attitude adjustment. A positive outlook on yourself and life is crucial to getting to where you want to go. If I could do it so can you.

I hope you have a superfantastic day (if you read the book you will know why I chose that word).

Adult Friendships

I have always thought that when I was a kid that making friends was hard but I now find that it’s even harder as an adult. When I think back I see that as a kid you have far more opportunities to make friends because you are around people your own age all the time. I always thought having friends was hard because it always seemed that I was the friend that was good enough until someone better came along and inevitably someone my “friend” thought was better ALWAYS came along. I think it is so much harder to meet potential friends as an adult because you have to make the effort to find them. It is so hard to go out because there are always adult responsibilities such as family or work and more often than not you are too tired at the end of the day to go anywhere (at least I am). I think I’ve wondered my whole life why I was always the afterthought friend and that was if I was even remembered at all. I think I am lucky to have two very good friends that I have had for years but they aren’t new friends. One I’ve had since high school and the other I met at work. I am always curious when I see other women with groups of friends and I wonder how do they do it. When did they meet them and what makes them stick together as friends. I don’t think I’ll ever know the answer to that.

So these are the few things I’ve learned in my quest for friends as an adult.

Say yes to activities. It is important to go out and do stuff even if you don’t want to go you might have fun.
If someone who you’ve been a good friend to or tried to become friends with and they never take an interest in your life then dump them.
Reciprocity is important. If you are always the one to text them or call them first and they never think to text you first to see how you’re doing then it’s time to tell them to get lost. If they don’t value you enough to contact you and then you see them contacting other people then forget them. They are no real friend and you don’t need them.

These are things that have taken me many years to figure out. If someone says they can’t go out with you and then you see them out with other friends on Instagram then you know you need to stop trying to be their friend because they aren’t worth it. You are worth so much more and you will find a friend or two that will value you and the friendship you give. It’s taken me along time to know that fact about myself and I sure hope anyone who reads this knows that you have tremendous value of your own. Let you light shine!

5 Ways to Survive Monday

I’m sorry I haven’t written in a bit but I was having a stressful time and I had to re-center myself. I always have to stop and think and find my joy because that is the only way I handle stress when I feel overwhelmed. But I digress, this post is about surviving Monday or any day really in the adult world. This is how I get up in the morning and face another week.

Play a Happy Song: I play a happy, energetic song to wake me up. Right now I’m listening to Uptown Funk featuring Bruno Mars when I get up. I find that when I hear a beep or any kind of bell or ringing it makes me want to pull the covers over my head. When I listen to this song it makes me want to get right up.
Stretch: The first thing I do when I get up is stretch as I’m sitting up in my bed. It gets the blood flowing and it helps to wake up in the right frame of mind. It doesn’t have to be intense just five minutes will do.
Gratitude/Happiness Journal: I thought this was the craziest thing to do when I heard it. Write the things you are grateful for and it will help you and I thought no way! That’s stupid! Then I tried it and it really does work. It helps to think about the things that you are grateful for or the things that make you happy. I only write down three things but if you want to do five or more then you do what is right for you. I can only tell you that it puts me in the right frame of mind to face my day. I have some happy thoughts to carry me through my morning routine.
Calm Breathing: Sometimes work or life situations is more than I think I can handle so I stop and take some deep calming breaths. This helps me so much because it stops me from looking at the whole issue and I can just think about what is really important to get done first. Approaching anything in a calm frame of mind helps to focus on what needs doing.
Make Lists:
Once I get to work on a Monday, I sit down and do my task list for the week. Once I do this I can look at what I have to deal with at a glance. It helps me to face Monday and the rest of the week because I know what I have to do and I feel accomplished when I cross each item off the list. It helps me to keep everything in perspective so I don’t feel so much anxiety. I can take the list and cut it down into bite size pieces so that I can get the job done.

I know you have probably heard these tips before in a thousand different ways but this is what helps me to face anything. I hope this helps you face your Monday or any day whether it be work or school or just life. I’m no expert but I find that when I do these things consistently that I have a better positive outlook, When I have a positive outlook that brings its own happiness. I wanted to share what helps me everyday with you. I wish you all a great week and I will have another post on Friday.

The Struggle is Real

I wanted to be real and tell you that for the past few days I’ve been struggling. It’s impossible to be positive and happy all the time especially for someone like me. I wonder about the choices I’ve made and the fact that they have gotten me to where I am right now and in some respects I’m not happy about that. I’m not where I want to be in most aspects of my life. There are only two things I have that I love and that is my family and my job. I know that some people would say that’s more than some people have but everyone has their own measuring stick as to what they think makes them successful. I try and I try to look at the good things. I write in my gratitude journal and that is a big help most of the time. I would definitely recommend it. It takes a second just to write five quick things you are grateful everyday. It would be wrong of me to say that it works all the time because it isn’t working for me right now. But it will work in time because it always does eventually.

Did you ever think that you should be farther along than you are or that life really isn’t fair. I know it’s cliche but sometimes life really does suck. I’ve been someone who followed the straight and narrow path and never veered from what I was supposed to do or was expected to do from everyone around me. I thought that would guarantee me success with my life. But I struggle financially and that really brings me down emotionally. I will probably be paying my student loans long after I’m dead. It’s a burden that you start your life with right out of college. Anyway let’s just say I have lots of worries and frustrations and the feeling of being trapped. I sometimes feel like I am at the bottom of a big hole and every time I climb up just a little I get knocked back down. It is so frustrating. I just wanted to say sometimes dark days happen and you just have to ride it out until you get to the other side of it. Tomorrow I will feel a little better and the next day even more because I never give up. Sometimes I really want to but i never do. That’s I guess the most important message for today’s post and that is to never give up. Even when the dark cloud has descended upon you and you can’t find your way out just take a deep breath think of one good thing for that day and focus on that. Today my one grateful thought was that I could see and enjoy the sunshine. It’s a little thing but it helps me. It’s like the little grain of hope that you hate because it won’t let you give up and you want to but it’s there for that reason. It’s the spark of hope, it’s that tiny pinprick of light in that dark cloud. There is always a better day ahead no matter how hard today is. So I will leave you with this thought. Be grateful for just one small thing everyday and hold onto it tight and it will lead you back out of the dark to where happiness lives in the light. I wish happiness for everybody and I will always try to find it for myself too. Some days are more successful than others but I will keep climbing.

Always keep climbing my friends.

Fear vs. You

First of all I have to tell you something that just made me really happy. I just watched the season premiere of Game of Thrones and loved it!!! But it also got me thinking about fear. I would love to have a dragon of my own to ride and then I thought people would think that was stupid. Would I care though and the answer would be NO because I would have a freaking dragon. It is strange how my mind works but just stay with me and I promise this will make sense. Why do I, and maybe you, worry about the anonymous people that you don’t know that sit in judgement of your dream and why do any of us care. I have struggled with that my whole life, always being afraid of what “people” will think and then not doing what I wanted to do out of that fear of judgement. I have realized that those anonymous people aren’t even thinking about what you’re doing as much as you think they are. Truthfully everyone has their own stuff to deal with and they don’t care what you or I was doing. That realization took me a long time to understand. Now when it’s your friends who are judging you or holding you back then that means they aren’t your friend. What kind of friend wouldn’t want the best for someone they claim to care about. If it’s family that is judging you that makes it harder to deal with and they may be doing it out of their fear of change. It is no excuse but everyone fears change in one way or another and that’s when you have to just make the decision and plow right on through.

Here is what I’ve learned, do not let fear hold you back from your dream. You have to try no matter what. I was really afraid to start this blog and I put it off for a long time. I was afraid because I knew it would take time for me to learn how to make my website look good and I didn’t want everyone to think how much it sucks. I want everyone to see and hopefully think that what I write and put on my site is awesome. So I just thought to myself just get over it and start writing. Now I am hopefully creating a place where everyone can come and be themselves and maybe we can all learn from each other. That is my dream. So if I have one thing that I hope you take away from this post is never, never let fear of judgement or fear of following your dream stop you. The world needs me and you living our best life. I’m trying to do that and I hope you are to.

Have a great Monday and I’ll be back soon.

Why Did I Choose Happiness Preferred?

I started this blog with this name because I prefer happiness to sadness, I prefer sunshine to darkness. Unfortunately my nature goes more to the dark feelings of sadness, anger and frustration and that is why I started this blog so that I can remind myself of all the awesome things out there that make me happy. Happiness is different for everyone but for me there are lots of things that make me happy such as my family, my friends, travel, movies, music, comic books and reading books of all kinds. Those are just the things off the top of my head. I will write about all those things and more because those things bring me joy. I will also add pictures and videos as soon as I figure out how to do this on a blog. Some people find happiness in calmness and peacefulness while others find it in adventure and activities but its all good. I wanted to and hopefully this will become a place where people can talk and share their experiences. I’m curious to know what makes others happy. I also wanted to have a safe place to go and talk about good things. The internet, the news and social media has so much negativity right now that it was really started to get me down. The one thing I will never talk about here is politics. It just bums me out how everyone can be so mean to each other and say awful things and it seems to be ok to do that. It’s not ok.

I never want to hear dream deferred or happiness deferred which is why I chose happiness preferred. I prefer happiness for myself and for anyone who is kind enough to read this and become a part of my happiness community.